Yup, ME and HIM
So, this post is special for HIM, somebody that have a important position in my heart.
It's strange, no matter feeling, atmosphere , mood or others.
Something had change between us, I means somethings between us have became different from the pass .
I know many couple will go though it before or maybe later.
I feel helpless, I feel sad, I feel unhappy, I feel dissatisfied
No dissatisfied about HIM, I'm dissatisfied on myself
I am discrepant to being a girlfriend
People around start to criticize me
start to describing me as a bad girlfriend
NON-soft, NON-thoughtful, NON-intimate, NON-understanding, crude and violence.
alright, I admit I am not a perfect girlfriend, not even a good girlfriend.
Before, what will I do is just ignore all these comment , because I knew whatever people think about me, it isn't important , because I know he will always be there for me, Love me and care me and tell me that I am not , I am cute and beautiful and blablablabla.
But now, everything start changing, he change , so do I.
He no like the old time, be there to praise me and to comfort me.
I feel like He start to agree others, He start to tell me that I am not good in that and there.
I FEEL SAD, but I cant do anything, I even cant tell him, no , is I even NOT DARE to tell him.
I LOVE HIM.
I try to follow what he want me to do
I try to accept his friend, treat them as my friend
I try to hold on my temper just want to feel happy
I think it's dont work
sometime, he will choose his friend besides me, yah, I am sad
travel with his friend
have lunch with his friend
play with his friend
party with his friend
count down with his friend
I know friend is very important in everyone's life, so do him and me .
I know he very treasure his friendship although he always say I am the most important person in his life
BUT I STILL SAD
moreover, I also feel sad about another things
I think he still cant accept my friend like what I do.
He don't like to go out with my friend.
I don't want to force him, because I want him to be happy.
Even I am not happy.
Sometime, I will just think why cant he accompany me besides of his brother.
I figure out thousand of reasons for him.
But I still cant convince myself
Yes, I am childish, and I am NON-understanding
and I am stupid!
I not dare to tell him I am sad
I not dare to cry in front of him
and I not dare to scold him and even ask him face-to-face
what I dare to do is just act like I FEEL GOOD to make he happy.
silly? I know right.
I know my request is unreasonable
but what can I do?
what I want is HE, I want he to accompany me to pass though my life.
I appreciate for all he done for me, and I apologize for all my unreasonable requests to him.
Sometimes, I really don't know what he thinking about.
I just hope he will tell me
but women always changeable.
It is because sometimes when I really know about the answer he going to give me is not the answer I hope to get
and I will trying to act like I DON'T KNOW about it
and hold the little hope that he will change his mind
Alright, the conclusion is I am a idiot so much that a lunatic
But, If being a silly person can make him happy and change his mind
I willing to do so.
I finally know what the people always talking about
"THE COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP"
really very confuse, even don't know whether want to accept his call or call him. I don't know how to face him.